BETTER THAN HAPPY – Episode 141
The point of all of this – the point of the blog, the point of these podcasts, of setting boundaries, of self-coaching, of building deeper relationships with others and with myself, the point of forgiveness – the point is to live the life I was meant to live.
And when we aren’t able to forgive, when we hold grudges or are judgmental or even when we are uncomfortable when we are around a person, we are not being our most genuine, most authentic selves.
We are children of a forgiving God. We’ve inherited His attributes. Love is our best self. Remember from DAY #19:
“Ultimately love is where we’re trying to get to. Love is always going to serve you best. It is going to create your best results for yourself because … it’s going to drive your best action. You are your best, most creative, most confident, most genius self when you’re operating in love.”
How do we get there? How do we get from hurt to forgiveness and love? Jody says that it truly requires that we become a higher version of ourselves.
That is what I want, my friends. That is what this is all about.
Let’s look closer at forgiveness:
“Forgiveness … is something you do because you are tired of having this poison in your brain and in your body. You are tired of feeling angry or resentful or hurt. You are tired of hurting YOU.”
What forgiveness IS NOT, from Jody:
- Forgiveness doesn’t require that the other person apologizes, or even that they stop doing what they were doing. Forgiveness does not change the other person, or control the other person.
- Forgiveness also doesn’t mean thinking a positive thought that you don’t actually believe. Remember from DAY #10, let’s try going from a negative thought that we already believe, to a less-negative thought that we can believe. And then maybe, after practicing that thought for some time, we can change to a neutral thought that we can believe.
- Forgiveness isn’t something that you should do just because you “should” do it. If I operate in “should” all the time, then I’m going to build resentment. That is ME neglecting my own needs and projecting it onto other people and expecting other people to take care of my needs.
What forgiveness IS, from Jody,
- Forgiveness is something that happens inside your mind.
- Forgiveness is a HUGE gift that you give yourself… It is you at your best, which will feel the best, which will serve you the best.
- Forgiveness is a new story. It is the death of the story you’d believed up to this point.
- Forgiveness is a process. Don’t be in a huge hurry to get there. Because, if you force it, often it won’t stick. It won’t be the right new thought, the right new story.
- Forgiveness is a commandment, for OUR benefit.
Hey! Did you know that it is an option to have 100% healthy positive relationships in your life?
“Remember, a relationship is just the way you think about the other person, and the way you think about yourself in relation to them… It exists in my mind, so I have 100% control over what I want it to be!”
Is there someone that I do not have a positive relationship with? Do I like who I am when I am with them, or when I think about them? Do I like how I feel?
- Release expectations of what they should be like. Maybe their best is terrible. Maybe their best is operating from a place of hurt and pain. Hurt people hurt people.
- Get to a new believable story. Use a friend. Don’t “story fondle”. Don’t go to them for empathy. Tell them, I am tired of feeling this way. Is there a different way I could look at this?
- Turn to the Spirit for another story. Heavenly Father sees it in a totally different way than us. He will help us.
“Try it on today with someone you need to forgive. There is no upside to not forgiving someone.”
Let me say that again. There is absolutely no upside to not forgiving someone.
Let me close with some comments I heard in my Bible Study. Remember that group I attend weekly? Yes. I’m still there.
This past week we were talking about Christ forgiving us, and us forgiving others. Melissa said she’d had an experience one Sunday, taking the sacrament and watching others take the sacrament. She said (paraphrased), “It was so incredibly personal – it was between me and the Savior, when I partook of the emblems of His suffering. And then when I passed the bread to another person, it became another incredibly personal event – now entirely between them and the Savior. Though their experience had nothing to do with me, I realized that I had offered that sacrament tray to another. And when we don’t forgive, it’s as if we are holding back that sacrament tray – we’re holding it only for ourselves, or for those we think deserve to partake.” How wrong does that feel!
“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to (pass the sacrament to) all men.”Doctrine and Covenants 64:10