BETTER THAN HAPPY – Episode 198
Why should we reach for impossible goals? Do it. Show yourself what you are capable of.
“Notice I say show YOURSELF what you’re capable of. I don’t recommend that you make your reason around showing other people what you’re capable of because that’s just a race that you’ll likely never win. There will always be some people who will disapprove of you.
There will be people that will judge you no matter what. If you set a goal and you don’t achieve it, some people will judge you for not having achieved your goal. But if you set a goal and you do achieve it, some people will judge you for not having your priorities straight.
So I don’t recommend that you ever do it to try to control what other people think, but maybe you just want to show yourself what you’re capable of. I like to challenge myself in that way.”
Maybe you want a better life for your future-self. Or maybe you want to wear yourself out doing good in this world. Set impossible goals because it is fun.
Those are some really good reasons to reach for impossible dreams!
“What is not included in this list of reasons is that you need to set and achieve impossible goals in order to prove your worth. You don’t need to earn the right to be here. You have the right to life and to the space you’re taking up on this earth just because you’re a human being. You have nothing to prove or nothing to earn. But if you choose to do it because it will make you a different person, great. But not because it will make you better or more valuable in some way. Not because then you’ll feel better about yourself.”
Most people will never reach their impossible goals. Why?
1.THE GOAL IS IMPOSSIBLE. Your lower brain convinces your higher brain that reaching that goal isn’t actually possible.
“You have to be willing to answer that lower brain with, ‘I know, but what if we’re wrong? What if it is possible? And what if at least getting close to that big goal is going to get me so much further in my life than coming right in the mark on a really small goal that I’m capable of way more.'”
Has anyone ever reached that goal before? Sure! I’ve never set a goal that no one has ever done before.
2.THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO FAIL. Again, the lower brain convinces the higher brain that failing would be embarrassing. It would be awful. We should turn back now.
“If you want to be the kind of person that achieves impossible goals, you have to notice that you’re still going to have those thoughts. Your lower brain is still going to say, ‘Hey, we could fail and that would be terrible and embarrassing’, and then answer it with something like, ‘Well, I think I’d rather try and fail than fail ahead of time.’ Because that’s what we’re really doing in the end, right? …If my kid says, ‘Hey mom, I really want to try out for the basketball team but I’m afraid I won’t make it, so I think I’m not going to try out because I don’t think my odds of making it are very good,’ and then the child ensures that they don’t make it on the basketball team because they don’t even try out. Do you see how illogical this lower part of the brain is sometimes? Let’s not try because we might fail and then we’ll for sure fail.”
The more willing we are to fail, the more success we will have in life! And we will fail. It is just part of the process. But, when we fail, what will we believe that failure means? What will we choose to believe that failure means about ourselves and about our goals?
3.THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE. We have this idea that when we are on the pathway towards our true desires – towards our dreams – we think it will feel amazing. And when it doesn’t, our lower brain says, “I don’t feel like doing this anymore.” And then our higher brain says, “You’re right. Let’s do something else.”
“Another option is to reply to your brain with, ‘Listen, you don’t have to feel like it, just do it anyway.'”
Do it. Try it. Give yourself a time-line. Try it for a year before you decide to change paths. That is just an idea – that is what I am trying for. Remember, the currency for success is discomfort!
4.THEY THINK IT IS JUST TOO HARD.
“‘It’s really hard’, first of all, is just a thought. It’s not a true fact. It’s an optional thought, as all of these are, by the way, but this one especially people think it’s just true. It just is hard.”
So what that it’s hard. We can do hard things. I am willing to do hard things. Let it be hard and move forward anyway.
5.THEY THINK THEY NEED TO KNOW HOW. Our lower brain says, “I don’t know how.”
“You’re going to answer that brain with, ‘Of course I don’t know how.’ Of course you don’t know how, because, do you know how to know how to do something? You go do it, and then you know how. So if you knew how, you would have already done it. That’s why you haven’t done it yet is because you don’t know how.
But the truth is you don’t need to know how. You just need to know what the next step is. What is the next step I need to take? That’s all I need to know to keep moving forward.”
6.THEY AREN’T WILLING TO KEEP BELIEVING NO MATTER WHAT. In every one of these examples, it is the lower brain leading, and the higher brain is just going along with it.
“That’s always the problem. Sometimes the lower brain does have a valid point and sometimes you do want to listen and go along with it, but knowing that you have the option, that you can step back and observe it and question it and decide whether or not it’s serving you, is the key to all of this.”
7.THEY ARE PAST FOCUSED INSTEAD OF FUTURE FOCUSED. This is it. This is where I’ve been leading us to, this week. Listen to this logic:
“The brain loves to go to the PAST. The brain has a lot to call on from the past. So it says, ‘I probably won’t be able to do this because I’ve never done it before.’ Especially if it’s a goal that you’ve tried before and failed at… And if you don’t pay attention, your higher brain will just say, ‘Good point. Might as well turn back now.’ You have to be willing to redirect your brain to the FUTURE. When my brain tells me, ‘You’re probably never going to achieve that goal, you never have before,’ what I tell it is, ‘Yeah, but that’s in the past. Let’s go to the future.'”
Go to that future. Picture your future self. Remember from yesterday. Where is she? Where are her children? What does she look like? What does she wear each day? What does her home look like? Think about the tangible things.
And then ask yourself, What does future-me believe about current-me’s ability to reach these goals?
“If it’s something I’ve already done, it’s so easy for me to believe (another can do it, too). I’m like, ‘Listen, you can totally do it. I did it and if I did it, you can do it.’ Isn’t it so easy to believe in a goal that you’ve already accomplished?
…So I want you to know that you can go to your future self, who’s already achieved it, and she will look back at you now and say, ‘I promise you, you can do this.’
What does she believe about you right now and what would she say to you right now?
…Let’s access her. She’s so much wiser, she’s so much kinder, and she’s so much more useful than just my default lower brain.”
And her closing statement:
“Here is the last thing I want to leave you with. I want to give you permission to become your future self right now… you’re allowed to be whoever you want to be and to up-level yourself in any way you want to right now, just because you choose to. As you become her, you will not only achieve your goals, but you will serve all of the people around you so much better. Step into her.”
Also. Just for the record. I want to be the kind of mom who plays guitar and sings to the children at nights.