JOYFUL LIVING – Episode 31
My cousin was here visiting from California over Christmas. Every time Hillary and I are together, we love talking about parenting.
How about Monday Marriage and Motherhood Matters? Let’s try that today.
Hillary had a new name for me: Nicholeen Peck. Have you heard of her? Where have I been?! Nicholeen raised 4 children, and fostered many many more. She is the author of “Parenting A House United” – it’s in my Amazon cart right now. And she shares some incredible thoughts on the podcast I listened to today.
Self Governance. That is her mantra. That is her war-cry. That is what she preaches and teaches, from presentations to the UN to conferences and firesides in church houses all around the world.
“The solution is self-mastery. If a person has self-government, they will have conquered the hardest challenge. They will have won the greatest fight that they could ever win. And in these times – in these days – why would we not give that to our children?”
If I could hand it to my children, I would. But there is a better way.
“You’re giving them rules, you’re giving them instructions, you’re giving them ‘no’ answers, you’re correcting them…”
And it is all done out of love.
You are talking to them. Here’s what you’re doing. Here’s what you want to be doing. Let’s try it again. Non-emotional.
“Self-government is overcoming emotional bondage in the home, teach everyone how to listen to the truth…”
Correcting behaviors in a way that is non-emotional, non-personal. Taking ownership of your roll – taking responsibility of your own behaviors, and teaching them to take responsibility of their’s.
“Did you help them learn to master themselves so that they would find freedom and happiness? The rest is on their shoulders.”
And I feel like there is so much she wasn’t sharing, in all she was sharing. Whether it was a time limitation, or bait to buy her book, I don’t know. But I am hungry for more!
I want to blog about her thoughts on our role as mothers. This is where my thoughts have been today. Really.
Motherhood: What is my role?
Let’s talk about roles. Primary roles, or self-evident roles, are just that – self-evident. For me? I am married, so my role is a wife. I gave birth to five children, so my role is a mother.
Now, I can and do have other roles as well. I am a Primary President right now. I am a blogger. I am an accompanist. I feel like I am a taxi driver. Ha! But my primary roles are that of wife and mother. Again, those are self-evident roles.
“If I do not live those primary roles as they were intended to be lived, and maximize them and magnify them, I will never feel fulfilled. Period.
If you don’t live your self-evident role, all other roles will crumble.”
And how do I prepare for my other roles? I magnify my primary role. I read books to the kids. I have a discussion with the children. I laugh with my husband.
I want to try this approach! More on this on SO WHAT SATURDAY.
As a mother, I teach/train. Nicholeen discusses this specific aspect of our role as mothers.
“This is not work and drudgery. If we start lamenting our roles, what is going to happen to our whole life? We will never be fulfilled. The most fulfilling moments I have with my children are when I am looking them in the eyes and correcting them … reading and discussing with them in a deep way … teaching them how to double the recipe … this is all me teaching my children.”
And the children? If my role is that of teacher, then their primary role as a child in my family is that of learner. And when I am teaching and they are learning, “They are finally living their potential.”
“If that is my role, then I am going to get excited about opportunities to teach and train. That’s a good thing. That is me living my potential (and them living their potential) … Feeling fulfilled always comes from magnifying your role – living who you’re intended to be…
This is worth all the time in the world, because this is why I was created.”