SPIRITUALLY MINDED MOM – Episode 32

Years ago my sister-in-law bought a “Christian” movie from the Walmart DVD bin. You know that bin. Cheap entertainment for a Friday night, right? Well, she bought this Christian happy-clappy movie from that bin, gifted it to me, and I put it away in a closet somewhere.

Years later, for whatever reason, the picture on the cover of the DVD came to my mind. Odd. So I found that DVD and watched it. And then I watched it again.

And then I found the book the movie was based on, The War Room, by Chris Fabry.

In the book, Miss Clara makes the request of the Lord, “Help me to see!”

And she wasn’t blind. But, experience had taught her that we, God’s children, don’t often “see”.

“The first thing He wants is for us to see!”

Miss Clara, War Room, Chris Fabry

I have my own War Room now. I call it my prayer closet. And, in big bold letters on the wall, I have written, HELP ME TO SEE.

The Bible Dictionary definition of “repentance” is this: “A fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world.”

Help me see. Give me a fresh view about Thee, about me, about the world around me.

Help me see her, the way You see her.

Help me see him, the way You see him.

Help me see my worthiness.

Help me see really what’s going on here, so I can make an inspired decision.

Elder Eyring’s son, Matthew, said that Elder Eyring asks the same “help me see” question in his prayers each night:

“My father has told us that there are two things that he prays for every night. The first is, ‘What blessings do I have that I am not aware of?’ and the second is, ‘Whom can I help?’ Dad says there has never been a day that his prayers haven’t been answered.”

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1995/09/elder-henry-b-eyring-molded-by-defining-influences?lang=eng

Help me see where I can improve.

Help me understand what sin is, in Your eyes.

Brooke gave us a new definition for sin to consider:

“Any thought or behavior that puts you in a loveless state.”

Help me see. What do I need to repent of? Where am I not feeling love right now?

Our first Mother’s Day in New York City, as a couple, I had just given birth to my first child. We were living in 280 square feet on the Upper East Side. And my mom had come to visit for a few days. She was sleeping on the couch, not 2 inches from the bassinet, and not 6 inches from our bed. We went to church. Bry gave us flowers. We had a lovely dinner. I look back on that Mothers Day as one of the best days of my life. And over the years, I’ve wondered why that particular day sticks out to me. It is a serious thing to label one of thousands of days, “one of the best days”, right?

I see. It was my thoughts that day about motherhood, about married life, about living in 280 square feet, reaching for our dreams together, that lead to the overwhelming amount of gratitude and love I felt that day.

I see.

Today, listening to this interview with Brooke Snow, I see that I need to use repentance more often in motherhood. If a sin is “any thought of behavior that puts you in a loveless state”, then I need to repent of my words to Jono yesterday, when he was sliding around in the hallway outside my bedroom. I need to repent of my annoyance with Bryant when he came home late. I need to repent of my thoughts about our nightly bedtime tradition of arguing with Julia about how many pieces of cheese she’s allowed to take to bed with her – every single night.

I see.

I see. Repentance is a gift of sight. Help me return to love.