I’ve listened to a few podcasts in the past couple days, but what I wanted to write about today didn’t come from the podcasts. I’m breaking off today, and journaling some of the thoughts I have had over the past week.

We have been quarantined for two weeks now. Self-quarantined, that is, at the recommendation of our country’s leaders. And I feel strongly about doing this – I feel strongly about keeping my family home, both for our safety and for the safety of others. And they are happy to be home. And I love having them home.

But, my friends, I have got to be on top of my game. Every day.

And I am not saying this from a place of guilt or a place of pressure. I have snapped a few times, and I can use those as opportunities to learn and to teach my children.

But I’m looking at this, from a place of love, I want this experience to be revealing. I want the children to see their relationships with each other in a way that they maybe hadn’t before. I want me to see my children and their school work load with different eyes – more merciful eyes. I want our family to see education differently. I want us to, together, find out what really matters to us, and what is just drudgery.

I want to be inspired.

Do you remember a couple months back, when Bry arranged for me to spend the weekend away in a hotel room by myself, to rest and to blog and to really do some thoughtwork? It wasn’t a knee jerk reaction – She’s melting, we’ve got to save her. Quick, let’s send her to a hotel to give her some peace and quiet me-time!

It wasn’t like that at all. Rather, I felt like there was something more that I needed to do or to learn or to write or to plan, but I knew I wasn’t going to get the time to do that while caring for the children 24/7. Bry and I discussed it, and thought it would be a really fun idea to get a hotel room for me for the weekend.

And it was fun. It was really fun. But, fun was not the purpose. Really, resting wasn’t it either. Producing something. Refining something. Expecting more of my brain than I had before, in that way. I couldn’t give what I needed to give to my pursuit – to myself – while I was so deeply helping my four little ones at home. And that was the purpose of the weekend away.

And because this was my purpose, because I was asking so much of myself mentally and emotionally, I needed to make sure I was physically able to sustain myself in my pursuit. Anything that didn’t help me toward my purpose was a distraction. I ate only the least “distracting” foods – the most energizing. And I only ate when that is what would serve my body the best, at the time. Time outside. I went to bed early, and rose early. Besides what I was using for my blog, I didn’t use technology to entertain or to buffer.

I did this. I had the most inspiring, amazing weekend. I am a different person because of the thoughts I had that weekend, and because of the work I did that weekend. And I knew that that would be the case. I set myself up for success. I needed myself, 100%. And I gave myself myself, 100%.

Do I need myself at 100% everyday? I’m not sure. But, it seems to me, if I were to take care of myself physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, the way I did that weekend – 100% – more often, I may, more often, produce the same amount of good in my life.

With the children home every day, all day, I am conscious of the need to care for myself, maybe in a very similar way to how I cared for myself that weekend away, so I can again produce the good that I know I can produce when I am not distracted with poor eating or the overuse of technology or unhealthy sleep habits or self-sabotaging thoughts, feelings, and actions.

It is late for me. I have a lot on my mind. But I don’t feel discouraged. I feel … led. And I feel ready.