Six years ago my son died. Three years ago we moved from our home in New York City. Two years ago my parents divorced. Last week I got a kidney stone. Ha!
I heard someone say recently, “Everything in life is rigged in my favor.” What?!
I couldn’t sleep last night. All night. After tossing in bed for two hours, I decided to do something with the extra time I could see I now had on my hands. I googled how to cope as an adult child of divorce. I took an online quiz to determine emotional maturity. I looked into some support groups. I listened to a few podcasts.
I decided that I need to change my life – I need to change me. This year.
And I had an idea.
I emailed my blog developer immediately, and requested that he add a category to my blog: ONE YEAR.
And so the journey begins….
———————
THE LIFE COACH SCHOOL PODCAST – Episode 285
“I was chatting with a friend recently about a mindset shift for… (experiences) that you no longer want to be part of your life. This shift can feel subtle, but it will have a big impact on your ability to close the circle, move on from these behaviors, and create ones you actually want in your life.”
I asked myself:
What experiences am I DONE experiencing? What have I had enough of, for a life time?
I sat down that minute, pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a list of experiences or behaviors that I no longer wanted to be a part of my life.
Next, on the other side of the same paper, as prompted, I wrote what new life-experiences I would like to adopt. Let me show you an example:
| EXPERIENCES I'M DONE WITH: | EXPERIENCES I WANT: |
|---|---|
| CRAMMING FOR TESTS | Life-long learning |
| DATING AROUND | Marriage |
| PEOPLE MAGAZINE | Books from the library |
Those are three examples of experiences that I’d chosen to give up earlier in my life. I had the experiences. I was content with what I’d gotten out of them. And I was done experiencing those things. I had enough of People Magazine as a young stay-at-home mom, for a lifetime! I was ready to change and come to a close with that experience.
And it’s not something that I am missing – it is not a loss. These are things I am complete with. “Can you see how that feels so much different than, I can never have it again?”
What about today? After not sleeping; thinking, praying and hoping for a change. What does my list look like this morning?
| EXPERIENCES I'M DONE WITH: | EXPERIENCES I WANT: |
|---|---|
| COMPLAINING and CRITICIZING | Believing everything is rigged in my favor |
| ACNE | Adopt a real face regime |
| REVOLVING DOOR OF COPING TACTICS | Blogging "ONE YEAR" |
Yes. That last one prompted me to send the email to my blog developer. I made a decision. For ONE YEAR, each day I will listen to a different podcast episode, and then blog my response.
Understand this – I think there is a benefit in changing coping tactics. I learn every time I try something new. But I am ready to close the door on that experience. For one year, anyway.
Why podcasts as a coping tactic?
Because a podcast is what caused me to hope last night, and inspired me to start writing again today, after a year away from my blog.
Also, basically, it is a free education.
I sat on the floor in my closet this morning absolutely sure that if, as I want to believe, “everything in my life is rigged in my favor”, even my pain and my despair can move me into a new life-experience – it can lead me to the desired changes.
“To change is challenging. To give something up is challenging because your body (and your mind) wants to stay and do the same thing over and over and over again because of … habituation and streamlining and being efficient. So changing will require a lot more mental energy than it does to stay the same. But, here’s the magic! When you change, you end up with two valid experiences.”
Two valid experiences. I do not intend to go back to my first experience – I don’t intend to go back to Rachel 2010, though I love that Rachel! That Rachel was absolutely incredible – I’ve never met anyone like her before. But I’ve done what I needed to do with that Rachel. I’ve had that experience. And I can come to a close with that part of my life.
I believe the Lord can use the pain of the past few years as a vehicle, taking me from who I was, to a new part of my life – a new life-experience. A changed me.
And I don’t yet know who that is. But, there is an AMAZING version of me, just around the corner. (Yes. I heard that one on a podcast, too…)
Stay with me.
[…] DAY #1 ONE YEAR […]
[…] Remember that “amazing version of me, just around the corner”? Bryant and I intend this year to be a big year for changes. We are not moving houses. We are not having another child. We are not changing jobs. We are not even buying a new car. Rather, we intend to see these changes in ourselves. […]
[…] these ideas – have fascinated me in a way that I hadn’t ever anticipated. I love this ONE YEAR. Thank you, Rachel, for giving me this gift! “Thank you for doing that. Thank you for being […]
[…] of the greatest take-aways for me, in my search for peace and for change and for progress in ONE YEAR, is this: It’s okay. I’m okay. It’s okay. And when I am okay with me, and I am […]
[…] if the grandparents thought critically of my mothering, that is a neutral circumstance, and I can choose to think what I want to think about their thoughts about me. What does Byron […]
[…] are things that we have discussed a few different times over the past eight months of ONE YEAR. And I am not where I want to be with these relationships yet. I want to spend some time today […]