BETTER THAN HAPPY – Episode 206
Let’s stick with the topic of relationships today. I loved loved Jody’s definition of a “relationship”. I found it very clarifying:
“Your relationship is how you think about someone else. That’s all it is.
A relationship isn’t a tangible thing. We can’t measure it. We can’t see it. We can’t all agree on what it is, even.
Even you, if we’re talking about your relationship with one other person, you may think the relationship is one way and that other person may think it’s a totally different way, because a relationship just exists in your mind. It’s the story you tell yourself.”
Last year I read, for the first time, the book, Gone With the Wind. Melanie Hamilton has got to be one of my favorite book characters, ever. If you’ve read the book, or maybe even seen the movie, this will make sense to you. Melanie has a different relationship with Scarlett than Scarlett has with Melanie. How is this possible? The thoughts that Melanie has about Scarlett – the relationship that exists in her mind – is a loving, tender relationship. Right? That is how Melanie feels about Scarlett. And nothing Scarlett can do can change that relationship, because it is in Melanie’s mind. Now the relationship that exists in Scarlett’s mind is riddled with contempt and jealousy – it is a very different relationship.
That was a very clear example that came to mind, thinking about this principle: A relationship is simply the story you tell yourself in your mind about that person or about yourself in relation to that person.
Back to Jody.
“Your relationship with another person is the story you tell yourself. And your relationship with your life is no different.”
Did you know that you have a relationship with your life? What story do you tell yourself about your life? Is it positive? Is it negative?
Let’s talk about this. Let’s look at some different “relationships” we’ve maybe not considered before.
How do you think about your home? How is your relationship with your home?
Is the story you are telling yourself: My home does such a good job taking care of me!
Or is the story more like this: My home is too small. It’s not new enough. It’s not old enough. It’s not big enough. It’s not … enough.
When we first moved to Utah, we were in the market for a home, of course. We didn’t anticipate finding just what we wanted, quickly. So we looked. And looked. And we didn’t get discouraged, we just kept looking. And when we found what became our home, up on the mountainside in Provo, Bry was all in. I had concerns. He painted a picture for me, of what we could make of this home. And I agreed. But, I didn’t stop looking. Even after moving into our home and starting the renovations, I would browse the real estate posts, and even visit open houses of other homes on the market.
It occurred to me one day how much more content I would feel if I, like Bry, were all in on this home.
Our home is a neutral circumstance on the model. And my thoughts about our home lead to my emotions, and my relationship with our home.
And our home is precious to me. It serves me and my family perfectly!
Do you judge your money? Do you hide from your money? Do you constantly tell your money that it is not enough? Do you neglect it?
“My money is kind of like a child; I’m hoping to grow that money into an adult, but I’m going to love that child. I’m going to take care of that child. I’m going to do everything I can with that child and maximize that child’s efforts and abilities and skills, and I’m going to grow that child because I love that child, not because I need that child to grow up in order for me to love it.”
You get to choose to think about your body any way you want to. What is your relationship with your body? Can you have a good relationship with your body without changing your body?
I have an overwhelming amount of gratitude for my body. It has taken me everywhere I have wanted to go. It has done everything I’ve asked it to do – even when I’ve asked in naivety. My body has served me – and my family – purely and wholly and selflessly
“Are you going to think that it’s overwhelming and challenging and unfair? Or are you going to think, ‘I’m the best one for this. I’ve got this. I’m glad that I’m in a relationship with this part of my life that pushes me and challenges me and helps me to grow.'”
Do you think about your time the same way you are thinking about your money? It isn’t enough. Or are you compassionate and loving with your time.
Do you name your car?
You are probably going to notice patterns. If you are critical of your home or your time or your body, you are probably going to be critical of yourself.
Think through how you want to think about your life. Think through the story that you tell yourself.