#150 SO WHAT

SO WHAT SATURDAY. I had an opportunity, late last night, to use thought-work, to talk me off a cliff. I had to separate myself from the rest of the family, to really have the space to look at what was going on in my mind.

I asked myself to define the circumstance, and I sat with myself until I could see that it was neutral.

Then I talked it out – all my thoughts. It was similar to a thought-dump, something that Brooke talks about. But it was out loud. To myself. What am I thinking? And what feelings are being created by those thoughts?

I was surprised to uncover feelings of shame that I have, that I didn’t even recognize before. I am not a good _____________.

But, recognizing it, alone, put me in a different place. I looked at myself with different eyes – more merciful eyes. Recognizing the shame gave me leverage over the shame. I could separate myself from the shame, and just observe it. Such a new experience for me. Such an interesting experience.

And I could see.

I could see where the feeling of shame would lead to in this situation. I could see where the feeling of love would lead to in this situation. And I changed my thought. And I changed my feeling. And I went to bed. And I slept.


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