THE LIFE COACH SCHOOL – Episode 35
When I was typing up DAY #143, without putting much thought to it, I typed the words, “I was never a good runner.” When I went back to revise, I didn’t catch it. When I went back for the second and third revisions, I didn’t catch it. It took me several revisions before I saw what I had done. Negative affirmation. Affirmations are such a part of our communication, such a part of our thoughts, every hour, that we don’t see them.
And when I recognized myself using negative affirmations, both out loud and in my head, I started seeing my children doing the same thing. I can’t do that. I’m not very smart. He doesn’t like me.
Today, in our homeschool work on the model, I wanted to talk to the children about affirmations – about their thoughts and words creating a reality. To prepare, I pulled up this old episode by Brooke Castillo. Really enjoyable. Really, immediately applicable. Let’s look at it together right now, before homeschool starts up again, and I’m sitting in front of four pliable minds.
“My thoughts drive my actions and create my ultimate results, and so it’s really important that I have good thoughts in my head. I want to believe awesome things because I want to create awesome things in my life. It really is as simple as that.”
And the negative affirmations? My children, and even I at times, believe that those are facts. I am not good at running. That is a fact. But “most of us are just brainwashing ourselves with negative thoughts.” Beliefs are just the thoughts that we think over and over again. And some of those beliefs are intentional, right? And some we just grew up with, and haven’t questioned or owned. And some have worked their way into our lives in a way that we may not even recognize that we feeding this negative affirmation.
Remember. A belief is just a thought you keep on thinking. It’s optional. You get to think anything you want to think. But then, your thoughts, your beliefs will determine how you feel about your life.
“They will determine what you do and they will ultimately determine your results. You think that you don’t need to know what you believe? It is the most important thing to know. I can look at your beliefs right now, and I will tell you what your future will be like”
So. What do we do? If it is in our control – the thoughts or beliefs, the feelings, the actions, the results – if it is in our control, how do we change what we believe to serve us, if it isn’t already?
“The first step is you have to find out what you believe. What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe about your life? What do you believe about the people in your life? What do you believe about your past? What do you believe about your capacity in your future? Those beliefs that you have are so important. Do you know why? Because they will determine your results.
YOUR THOUGHTS THAT YOU KEEP THINKING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, ARE YOUR BELIEFS.
Second step, decide what you WANT to believe.
Third, practice believing… (And) when I’m having a hard time keeping a new thought going, I say it out loud.”
I want to try it. I want to practice it on myself, and then I want my children to practice during homeschool:
- WHAT DO I BELIEVE? I believe that my relationship with her will be difficult, probably the rest of my life.
- WHAT DO I WANT TO BELIEVE: I want to believe that I can learn to not only accept her for who she is, but find joy in who she is.
- PRACTICE BELIEVING. I think this is where positive affirmations come into play. We will talk more about what Brooke said about that, in just a second. But, let me look at what regular, intentional affirmation I could use to change me – to change my thoughts. Because, remember what a relationship is? A relationship is just what I think about someone. That is all it is. How about this affirmation: I have 100% healthy positive relationships in my life.
One of the problems with affirmations for some people is that they choose a thought that they want to believe, but that is so far from believable to them that the exact opposite thought is what gets ingrained. Does that make sense? Have you seen that, too? If you can’t believe it, it won’t feel good. It will be a lie, as far as your mind can tell.
Example. If your current belief of thought is “my boss hates me”, you cannot move straight to “my boss adores me”. Whether or not it is true, your mind will believe it is a lie – there is no way that he adores me.
Try this: He hates me –> He misunderstands me –> He is neutral towards me –> He respects my work –> He respects me
Maybe you can even get to “he loves me”. Maybe. But you cannot go from “he hates me” to “he loves me” in that first step, that first affirmation you practice believing.
Here is another thing. Practicing believing these more positive affirmations probably won’t feel natural at first.
“My brain would prefer to go to, ‘I don’t know if I can do it. This is hard. I’ve never been able to do it before. Who do you think you are? Look at that. That didn’t work out very well.’ That’s where my brain wants to go. Why can’t it naturally go to the achievement place? I don’t know, but it doesn’t. So I have to practice believing that I’m smart enough. I have to practice believing that I have enough time, that I have the ability. I practice those thoughts over and over and over again.”
Okay. I am going to do it. I’m going to teach affirmations to the children. I’ll report back tomorrow, and we will finish up this episode on believing new things, and affirmations.