I relapsed.

Even after all my work, all the thoughtwork I’ve done over the past few months, every day, sometimes two hours a day. I didn’t allow all that work to serve me at all. I could not pull out of the thought-loop. My monkey-brain told me to run and never look back. My monkey brain told me I’m so tired of hurting. I am tired of using energy on pain.

I want to be done showing up as less than who I am.

Tell me that I am improving. Tell me that I’m better today than yesterday. Tell me that a step backward is just that. Tell me that this is just part of the human experience.

“Have you ever wished for all your problems to go away? Have you ever wished for perfect health, or that you wouldn’t have to work so hard for things, or that money and resources were always available for you? Have you ever wished that all your relationships were peaceful? Wouldn’t that be the perfect life?

Everyone has moments we tell ourselves that the absence of contrast is what will bring the ideal life. And yet, contrast is the very element that makes life so meaningful to begin with. When we can use contrast to our benefit, we free ourselves from the burden of being stuck – contrast is the key to change.”

Brooke used to teach photography. She’s a woman of many talents! She talked about contrast in photography. Contrast is, in fact, a key element in photography. Without contrast, you wouldn’t be able to see the image at all. And if the image is unclear, a photographer will add contrast, to make it more clear. Have you seen that option on your iphone camera? Contrast.

“Contrast helps you see.”

The bitter from the sweet. Adam and Eve could not have seen, without the contrast outside of the Garden of Eden:

“They would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.”

Contrast was needed. Contrast was wanted. Without contrast, there would have been no change – no progression.

Contrast is a blessing.

And when I woke up from the night I felt relapse, when I woke up and saw what it was that I was working toward – where I had been and where I am now – I felt that blessing.

“As I work on changing things in my life, I often have a relapse… But it’s contrast. Instead of staying in a place of shame, being upset with myself that I had a relapse, I am learning to see it as contrast. I’m reminded what those old choices and patterns feel like. That contrast is amazing at helping me see and recommit to my goals, with even greater dedication.”

Previous DAY #166 VALUE FLOW

1 Comment

  1. […] we all have dark memories. Hard times, dark times, are part of the human experience. And we wouldn’t want it any other way – we want the whole human […]

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