All week long I have been thinking about that thought download Brooke highly recommended we do, during this time when our thoughts are so visible. Remember, some of us are having this experience, where our thoughts and emotions are more visible, because of the pandemic. It is scary, and it really has mixed up our routine, in a big way. Our thoughts are louder. And this is a great opportunity to hear them and get them on paper, and really understand these thought sentences better. All of that is in DAY #189.

I have been thinking about doing this, all week long. I have been having a lot of negative thoughts. These are not new negative thoughts – they are just louder this week. Again, an opportunity to really look at what thought sentences I have in my mind – and have had in my mind for some time, likely.

And this morning, while Bry was at the ranch with all the children, I really wanted to go ahead and do this download. But I was scared. I was scared of the heavy thoughts and negative feelings. I was scared the experience would be incredibly painful and dark. So I said a prayer before beginning. I didn’t even know what to pray for: Please help me enjoy this time thinking my darkest thoughts???? I did not know what to pray for. So I just prayed that the Spirit would be with me.

And then I did it.

I feared the darkness, but only found enlightenment and clarity in my thoughts!

Two new ideas that really struck me, by taking my thoughts out of my mind and really having a good look at these thoughts:


Every single negative memory I wrote down today of my childhood, were memories of something someone did to hurt another person. I did not write down a single memory of someone hurting me. Super interesting, right? What would it look like to leave that negative memory to only those participants in that event?

You can leave that memory between her and them – they are not yours nor your responsibility to carry.


Every one of the faults I saw in my own parents as I did this thought download, is a fault that my own children could definitely say they see in me. What is that old adage? “What we see in others is a reflection of ourselves”.

“We come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with other people. We can only be triggered by something we have experienced ourselves. The traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves.”

Those are the two points I got out of my thought download today. And, really, they blew me away. I want to do this again. I want to get an outside view of what is going on inside of me. It isn’t something that I use to judge myself with, rather it is information. And I get to decide what to do with that information. But, honestly, not until I see it and take a good look at it outside of me.

Previous DAY #191 MOM IS IN CONTROL (again)

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