DAY #200 SPIRITUALLY DEFINING MEMORIES (1)

THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS – April 2020

We were challenged, as Christians, to look for ways in which we #HearHim. This has been on my mind for a long time – even before the official challenge from the Church. How do I hear Him? How does He communicate with me? Peace. Direction. Vision. Voice. Usually it is a thought that comes to my mind, and is accompanied by a feeling of love.

“From time to time, God powerfully and very personally assures each of us that He knows us and loves us and that He is blessing us specifically and openly.

Then, in our moments of difficulty, the Savior brings these experiences back into our mind…

Remembering these spiritually defining experiences takes us to our knees, declaring as did the Prophet Joseph: ‘What I received was from heaven. I know it, and I know that God knows that I know it.'”

In 2013, our son, Matthew, passed away, in London. I had never been through any like that before. It was incomparable to anything I had ever experienced, in every way. In the past, in difficult times, I had found solace in the Temple in Manhattan where we’d lived before London. But the temple in London was very difficult to get to via public transportation, so I only made it out there twice. But my whole heart yearned for the peace of the temple.

And when we moved back to NYC in 2014, I made up for lost time, in the temple. Every week I would go. And every week I would pray to feel Matthew with me.

But one week felt different. As I prepared to go to the temple that morning, I felt strongly inside of me that I would have an experience that day in the temple. I felt it so strongly, in fact, I absolutely knew it would be a reality. I don’t know if I expected to see Matthew or feel Matthew, or what. But I was absolutely sure that I would have a significant experience in the temple that day.

I sat through the 90 minute endowment session, and I felt peaceful, but nothing significant. I then sat in the Celestial Room, and again felt peaceful, but nothing significant. So I stayed. I stayed 20 minutes. I stayed 30 minutes. I may have stayed an hour, I am not sure. But I stayed and I prayed and I patiently waited.

Until my patience ran a little thin. Just a little.

And I then began pleading with the Lord.

And then I began to feel insistent. And I said out loud, to my Heavenly Father, “I am not leaving.”

Those were my words. And that was my determination. I would not leave the temple without the promised experience.

And then, at that very moment, these words came back to me, in my mind, but as clear as a voice: “I know you are not leaving. I know you are not leaving your family. I know you are not leaving the Church. I know you are not leaving your senses. I trust you.”

And I cried. I had had my experience. And I left.

I had thought, all that time, that what I needed was a confirmation from Matthew, that he loved me, that he recognized me, and was with me. But what I really needed, and what the Lord knew that I really needed, was an assurance for HIM that He loved me, that He recognized me, that He was with me, and that He still trusted me.

I need Thee every hour,
Most gracious Lord.
No tender voice like thine,
Can peace afford.

I need Thee, oh I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee!
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee!

I need Thee every hour,
Stay thou nearby.
Temptations lose their pow’are
When thou are nigh.

I need Thee every hour,
In joy or pain.
Come quickly and abide,
Or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour,
Most holy One.
Oh, make me thine indeed,
Thou blessed Son!

I need Thee, oh I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee!
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee!

“These experiences are always accompanied by an exceptionally strong spiritual confirmation of the love of God.”

What I had received was from Heaven. And I know it. And I know that God knows that I know it.