UNLOCKING US WITH BRENE BROWN – 31 March 2020
Ten years ago, there was an article printed in the Ensign Magazine, Don’t Be in a Hurry, by John C Thomas.
I found the article inspiring to me, today, as I struggle with my inadequacies, my thoughts and emotions, and my hurry to get through this experience and get through these emotions, and to become that better version of myself … by tomorrow. Right?
“We will move faster if we hurry less.”https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2010/06/dont-be-in-a-hurry?lang=eng
I’m okay. It’s okay. And when I am okay with me, and I am okay with “it”, I can move through “it” and heal from “it” and learn from “it”. And I don’t need to be in a rush to move through my grief and through my pain. There is not an end destination, rather experiences to be gained and claimed and even loved and made sacred along the way.
What does it feel like to experience the first stage, “denial”, and to be okay with being there, and to not rush myself through that stage. It looks like me speaking my truth, looking at my fears, feeling that primary emotion, without adding onto it a secondary emotion, right? I can feel “denial” without adding shame on top of it.
My parents won’t really get divorce. They love each other. This can’t really be happening.
Compared to the secondary emotion of shame or maybe judgement, on top of denial:
My parents won’t really divorce, will they? I am so pathetic. I am like that child in the movie who can’t see what is happening when everyone else can. What is wrong with me. What should I do to fix this.
Can I manage my mind and be curious about denial, and embrace denial? Or anger. Or depression. Or whatever stage of grief I am in, at this time.
That emotion, anger, can cycle through me. It is an appropriate emotion, considering the grief I am experiencing. But, if I don’t manage my thoughts – if I don’t pay attention, my thoughts can easily run wild, and it can escalate. These thoughts, unmanaged, can easily add other layers of negative emotions to this experience, right? It can easily become shame or bitterness or fear, even. Those are harder to get through.
I can work my way through that primary emotion – that stage of grief. It is doable. But all the rest only happens when we don’t pay attention and manage our thoughts.
And we have the time to do this, my friends. We don’t need to be in a rush. Time has been gifted to us, in fact, for that very purpose – to go through these experiences and be changed by these experiences and to grow through these experiences.
2 Nephi 2:21 says that our days were prolonged by the Lord, so that we could repent: “A change of mind, a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world.”
The whole reason we have time on this earth at all is to gain experience, and to clarify our view of God and ourselves and the world – a “fresh view”. We can, and are in fact expected, to use our time to this end!
“And it won’t last forever. There is not a dark night that stays. But we’ve got to feel these feelings. We’ve got to feel the grief.”
I want to close today’s thoughts about taking the time to grieve – giving ourselves that space – with John Thomas’ concluding words in his Ensign article:
“Perhaps all this was summarized in eight words by the Psalmist long ago: ‘Be still, and know that I am God’ (Psalm 46:10). I suppose that can be read as two separate commands, but I think it works especially well as a statement of cause and effect. If we will be still, put God first, call on Him first, and wait on Him always, then we will come to discern His still, small voice reminding us how well He knows us and how much He loves us, and He will teach us how to love and serve our neighbors as ourselves. As we do so, the promise is sure, ‘even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come’ (D&C 59:23).”https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2010/06/dont-be-in-a-hurry?lang=eng