DAY #218 GRIEF AND FINDING MEANING (yet again)


UNLOCKING US WITH BRENE BROWN – 31 March 2020

I have some more to share on grief and on giving myself space, and on healing from 40 years of thought patterns that haven’t served me well. It occurred to me, just this week, studying and talking to others who have studied grief, that my pain may have not originated in my parents divorce, but rather magnified by the divorce. Which, my friends, is an opportunity for me to get a good look at what is really going on in my own mind, and how is my own mind creating my reality.

“Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in thine own eye?”

Matthew 7:3

We are living that scripture, here and now. My feelings, my thoughts, my human experience is my responsibility, entirely. It is the beam, and I am responsible for finding that beam, and experiencing that beam, and, if I choose, removing that beam.

“When we have something big and maybe disorienting … we have an opportunity to get visibility into our minds that we normally may not get… an opportunity to look inside of our brains and see things that we normally wouldn’t see. It turns up the volume on our thoughts, so we can see them more clearly.”

https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/05/day-187-mind-visibility/

There is a lot more here that I want to look into. But today I want to have a little fun with Brene’s Rapid Response. Brene had ten questions for David, asking him to respond to each question quickly. And his answers were great, of course. But it left me wondering how some of the people in my life would respond to the same questions. So I sat a couple people down for the same Rapid Response experience, and I made a couple phone calls to others, and I had some fun with this.

Let’s start with my favorite human being on the earth, BRYANT:

  • Vulnerability is ______________________.
    • Something that you have when you are vulnerable. (Ha ha … so funny, honey.) Vulnerability is good … for relationships.
  • You are called to be brave, but you’re very scared – you can feel it. What is the first thing you do?
    • Pray
  • Something people often get wrong about you.
    • People think I am sober or grumpy.
  • Last show you binged and loved.
    • Blue Bloods.
  • Favorite movie.
    • Man From Snowy River.
  • A concert you will never forget.
    • Tim McGraw with my wife.
  • A favorite meal.
    • Ribs and potatoes with roasted sprouts.
  • What’s on your nightstand.
    • Lots of books, a phone, an alarm clock.
  • A snapshot of an ordinary moment in your life that brings you real joy.
    • When Julia (our four year old … lest you are at all concerned about our relationship … ha ha ha) grabs my face and kisses me.
  • What are you deeply grateful for in this moment.
    • My wife.

My 15-year old, ELLA:

  • Vulnerability is ______________________.
    • Strength.
  • You are called to be brave, but you’re very scared – you can feel it. What is the first thing you do?
    • Think it through.
  • Something people often get wrong about you.
    • That I am crazy.
  • Last show you binged and loved.
    • Anything on Hallmark.
  • Favorite movie.
    • Frozen II.
  • A concert you will never forget.
    • A symphony I went to in Abravanel Hall with Aunt Christine.
  • A favorite meal.
    • Steak tacos.
  • What’s on your nightstand.
    • Stationary and my scriptures.
  • A snapshot of an ordinary moment in your life that brings you real joy.
    • Climbing a tree.
  • What are you deeply grateful for in this moment.
    • My chickens.

My dear friend, KAREE:

  • Vulnerability is ______________________.
    • Connection.
  • You are called to be brave, but you’re very scared – you can feel it. What is the first thing you do?
    • Take a deep breath and say a silent prayer.
  • Something people often get wrong about you.
    • That I am quiet, when I first meet people.
  • Last show you binged and loved.
    • Madam Secretary.
  • Favorite movie.
    • Leap Year
  • A concert you will never forget.
    • Allen Jackson. It was my first concert. The guy I was on a date with was pretty nervous, and we kept making wrong turns, trying to find the venue. When we arrived, no one was there. Apparently we wee a whole day early. We went back the next evening and ended up getting tickets to the pit. Very memorable.
  • A favorite meal.
    • My mom’s chicken pot pie. And avocado ice cream.
  • What’s on your nightstand.
    • Journal, The Divine Gift of Forgiveness, my laptop, and a wood wick candle.
  • A snapshot of an ordinary moment in your life that brings you real joy.
    • Running in the sun. There is something about sunshine and exercise that brings such peace and happiness to me.
  • What are you deeply grateful for in this moment.
    • My family and friends, a body that allows me to run, bike, and work hard. The sun.

My sister, SARAH:

  • Vulnerability is ______________________.
    • Being able to cry in front of someone.
  • You are called to be brave, but you’re very scared – you can feel it. What is the first thing you do?
    • Run.
  • Something people often get wrong about you.
    • That I am strong.
  • Last show you binged and loved.
    • Mentalist.
  • Favorite movie.
    • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
  • A concert you will never forget.
    • Pearl Jam.
  • A favorite meal.
    • Vietnamese
  • What’s on your nightstand.
    • Lots of stuff. An angel picture. Glasses. Hair ties. Sleeping pills.
  • A snapshot of an ordinary moment in your life that brings you real joy.
    • Snuggling with my babies.
  • What are you deeply grateful for in this moment.
    • Good friends and family.

This was fun for me. Really interesting, right? Do you ever watch Sherlock? This character, Sherlock Holmes, is a genius at observation and deduction. What can I deduce from these observations of these loved ones in my life? And I’m not going to do that, actually. It feels like that would be infringing on their privacy. But, if I were to answer the questions myself, without knowing the questions in the first place, what could I deduce about myself with the information I provide. Really fascinating.

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