DAY #245 ALLOWING YOURSELF TO FULLY EXPERIENCE BEING HUMAN (again)

DR FINLAYSON-FIFE’S PODCAST ARCHIVE – 18 March 2020

TRUTH: You are human.

I have been thinking a lot about truth this past month. Who am I? What thoughts and stories do I keep that are not serving me well? Do I want to give them up? Which part of my brain am I giving power to? What do I really desire?

What is the truth about me?

“When we are so fixated on proving to ourselves and others some dishonest view of who we are that maybe comforts our narcissism but isn’t based in the truth, will ultimately eat us up. It will ultimately undermine our peace

Why would it be important for me to tell the truth about me – to me, specifically?

A couple years ago, when we first moved to Utah, I was asked to speak at church. I’d spoken a lot, in different venues, to different kinds of people. This is something that is comfortable for me. I prayerfully wrote what I would say, and, after my talk was over, I felt good about my contribution to the meeting. Many people were kind in their response to the thoughts I shared. And so was Debra Bonner. But then she added something that has stuck with me – maybe even haunted me – these past couple years. She said, “But you didn’t use your real voice. You have more to you.” And she invited me to her home, to help me find my real voice.

I didn’t take Debra up on the offer. I didn’t know her. And I didn’t trust that she could know anything about me.

Debra Bonner still lives in our neighborhood, and I visit her home from time to time. But I lost the chance to be tutored by her – she’s long since forgotten that day at church.

But I’ve wondered about the truth about myself. And not that I tried hiding anything that day – I felt peaceful about my preparation and my presentation that day. But, am I just who I think I should be much of the time? Have I neglected to be true to myself, maybe even just out of habit? How would it serve me to find my real voice and share my real self?

“The more that I live in alignment internally, the more that I do what I really think is right, and push myself around what I believe is good, honest, true, and fair, the less I need to prove myself to anyone else… It’s okay to be human and be in development.

You don’t have anything to apologize for anymore.”

I want to get a more honest picture of myself. I want to look at my behavior. I want to look at my thoughts and feelings that have lead to my behavior. I want to make sure I like what is going on inside of me, and how I am showing up in the world. Why? Well I guess the reason I wouldn’t do so, is if I thought I couldn’t change – I can’t be any better, so I’d better create the image of a “better” person, because I can’t create that actual person. Why take the time and the emotional effort to get a more honest picture of myself? Because I CAN change! I can change. And changing me will change my relationships, my family, my community, my world.

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature…

Twelve (changed) men did quite a lot to change the world nineteen hundred years ago. Twelve simple men.

Yes, Christ changes men, and changed men can change the world.”

A challenge to me. 1) Be honest – and that may take some thoughtwork and some prayer and some asking hard questions. 2) Have “compassion for the human condition” – this is a skill we can and “need to hone in on”. 3) Change – align myself internally, who I am and who I want to be.

This is possible, my friends. Again, the only reason I wouldn’t do the work of 1 and 2 would be because I had no hope in 3. But I do have hope in 3. And maybe that hope is fairly new. And maybe I am still learning the “how” of 3. But that hope is there. That hope is founded on a better understand of my own brain and the model. That hope is founded on my experience with, my love for, and my trust in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”

Doctrine and Covenants 6:36