DAY #262 SO WHAT


These are things that we have discussed a few different times over the past eight months of ONE YEAR. And I am not where I want to be with these relationships yet. I want to spend some time today doing some thoughtwork surrounding my past self, my future self, and my current self. This is some of the most important work I can do right now – it’s a game changer, right? And I think I am ready for this work – I think I love myself enough to really do this work.

MESSAGE TO MY PAST SELF:

Nothing has gone wrong, Rach. Nothing has gone wrong. You made the decisions that you made because that was where you were at – that’s what you were ready for, at the time. And that is okay. It’s okay with current me, and it’s okay with future me. And, do you know what? It is okay with the Lord. He doesn’t sit in heaven looking down on you saying, Whoa, I’m really disappointed in her. He knows where you’re at, and He has mercy on you where you’re at. Furthermore, He wants you to gain experience, and that comes with making choices – sometimes making mistakes. That is really the best, most efficient way of gaining experience, making choices.

Nothing has gone wrong. You’ve made choices. Others have made choices that have affected you. And it is all okay. It’s all okay.

I love you for you.

And also, thank you! You have been so generous with me!

“Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship in your life… How grateful I am and how gracious I am to my past self for creating this life for me that I’m currently living. I want to high-five myself for listening to my own advice, for doing what I told her to do. My past self hooked me up! She lost the weight. She quit drinking. So now I don’t have to. She set a business. She built a team. She saved money. She married Chris. She took care of her beautiful children. All these things I am so grateful to myself for!

https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2019/12/day-34-gifts-to-my-future-self/

What are the gifts I am receiving right now from my past self?

  • Rachel, thank you for learning the piano
  • Thank you for serving a mission
  • Thank you for marrying Bryant
  • Thank you for doing pregnancy, over and over again, and for singing to those babies of yours
  • Thank you for moving to NYC
  • Thank you for staying open to changes
  • Thank you for picking yourself back up and trying again, and again

MESSAGE TO MY FUTURE SELF:

Who are you? Where do you live and why? What do you look like? How are you contributing to the world? What do you struggle with? What prayers are you praying? What can I do for you?

I don’t know you. But I need you. Please help me. Will I be okay? Will things with my mom and with my dad work out? Am I doing it right? Will my children be okay? And Bryant?

What do you need me to do? What do you need me to change? What matters, and what really doesn’t matter?

“One of the best ways of doing this is to think about your future self as someone you love and care about because so many of us, what we do to our future selves we would never do to our best friends. We would never do that to them. We’d never say that we were going to do something and then just not show up. We would never put them off and not contact them and ignore them the way that we do to our future self.”

https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2019/12/day-34-gifts-to-my-future-self/

So, I think to best serve my future self, I need to start with my current self. Let me strengthen that relationship, let me take care of her. Let me take care of some things in my life – let me get some things out of the way that are slowing me down, and really wearing me out.

MESSAGE TO MY CURRENT SELF:

Where do you think you are probably people pleasing? Where are you lying about what is okay and what you want and what is best for you and for your family, and where are you really wearing yourself down? What isn’t true for you?

Where are you telling yourself that things are okay, where they’re not? Where are you telling yourself that you are loving something when you’re really not?

Scuba diving. I got my licence years ago and Bry and I have gone together several time. And it’s just not really my thing. And at first I thought I needed to be the “cool wife”. But forcing myself to love it made me really not like it at all. Right? I remember the scuba trip in Aruba. We came out of the water. And I was so glad to have the dive done with. And the truth struck me – I don’t really like scuba diving. And when I was able to be honest with myself, I was then able to decided to continue scuba diving because Bryant liked it and because that’s the kind of wife that I want to be. I could be honest with myself, and stop forcing myself, and I could accept myself, and I could enjoy being the kind of wife I wanted to be, once I really got rid of that people-pleasing.

Horses. I don’t like taking care of the horses. At all. And trying to be a part of that part of my husband’s life was really leaving me feeling resentful and even angry at times. So I gave Bry the space to live his truth: He loves horses. And I gave myself permission to live my truth: I don’t want to be a part of that hobby. And Bryant doesn’t hold it against me. And I don’t hold it against me, either.

What is the truth?

“You want to say, ‘This is what’s true for me and this is why.’ And make sure you like your reason.”

Let me get some of the people pleasing and dishonesty cleaned up in my current self. And that may take looking back and talking with my past self. And it may take encouragement and love from my future self. And it might be hard. But, again, I loved this from our discussion this past week:

“And the longer I tell the truth, the more intolerable it became to lie. And that’s when I learned to unconditionally love.”

https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/07/day-256-love-vs-people-pleasing-again/
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