THE LIFE COACH SCHOOL – Episode 329
I want to take just a few minutes today to share a warning for SO WHAT SATURDAY, since we have been working with the Model so much this week. Here is the warning: The purpose of the Model is not to be happy all of the time. That is not the result or the end goal we are trying to get at using the Model.
“The goal is not to be happy all of the time. But the goal is to be conscious – to bring consciousness and awareness to your brain, to your life, to your emotions, to your behaviors. The goal is to decide to look inside your brain and understand your brain and how it affects your feelings, and then and only then to decide (if you want) to make a change.”
Is there a neutral circumstance that I would have liked to escape? Sure. I live in Utah right now, and for years I’d sworn up and down that I’d never live in Utah. I went through some time wishing I could change that circumstance.
Is it better to change the circumstance, to move from Utah, or is it better to change my thinking about the circumstance? Do I change the circumstance or do I change my thought about the circumstance? That’s the question, right? And not just for Utah, but for relationships as well. Do I change the relationship and maybe end the relationship, or do I change my thoughts about the relationship?
When I am not conscious, when I haven’t done the proper thoughtwork around the model for this circumstance, I either (1) stay stagnant or I (2) make a decision that will likely not lead me to the result that I really want.
So, using example number one, I either (1) stay in Utah and complain and be miserable all day and all night long. Or I (2) move to another part of the country but find myself miserable again because I didn’t do the thoughtwork to help me release the emotion and reclaim my own power over my own happiness. Right? Does this make sense?
I don’t want to sit and wait for happiness to happen upon me, but I also don’t want to take action without working through some of these things inside my brain. Remember the difference between working from the outside in, and working from the inside out (Ezra Taft Benson).
In my experience, this circumstance that I call “Utah”, this situations that I’d thought intolerable, once I’d done the thoughtwork and taken back my responsibility for my happiness, I was glad that I’d stayed, that I’d changed my thought rather than the circumstance.
But the opposite might be true. It could have gone the other way. I could have done the thoughtwork around the circumstance, living in Utah, and released the emotion, and then decided that, though I could stay in Utah, I wanted a different experience for my life and for my family.
“Once you’ve really understood your model and understood the emotion that needs to be processed and needs to be felt and needs to be acknowledged, then you can decide to either change your circumstance and go to a different situation, or you can change your thinking and stay in that situation.”
Here is another way of thinking about the same thing: Does the thought serve you in that situation?
“Notice, I didn’t ask you if the thought made you happy or if it made you feel good. I asked you if the thought was conscious and if it served you in that situation.”
For example, in an abusive relationship, do you leave the situation or do you change your thoughts about the situation? If the thought is, He is dangerous. He hurts me. And I deserve not to be hurt. That is a thought that doesn’t feel good – it doesn’t make you happy – but it’s a thought that serves you in that situation. So you’re going to choose to keep that thought. Again, the goal in creating a model isn’t to make us happy, but to make us conscious.
“Do you want to leave the situation on purpose because you really like your reason, or do you want to stay long enough to change your thoughts and process a new emotion?”
Can you think of circumstances you don’t like right now? I want to keep practicing this, this weekend.