THE LAST TEN POUNDS – Episode 184
FRIDAY FITNESS AND HEALTH. The title of the actual podcast episode today is “How To Stop Grazing”. But as I went through the information Brenda gives us in the episode, I thought, it really is a pattern we can use to stop whatever it is we wish we could stop. That’s why I’m calling today’s blogpost “How To Stop …”
So, as you read through these three steps, think of something that you would like to stop. Staying up late, right? Over eating. Criticizing. Slumping off the gym. Bad posture. Whatever. And I will think of something as well.
ONE. Name it. “I am grazing”. “That is pornography”. “That is a SFD I just thought.” “That was a lie I just told”.
And this isn’t to bring shame, this is just to show us where we are at. Like the red pin on the shopping mall map that says, YOU ARE HERE. It doesn’t mean you are stuck there or you have to stay there, naming it just gives you an idea of where you are at on your way to going where you want to be. Does that make sense? This is where I am at. This is not the end destination.
TWO. Go from naming it to understanding it. Do not go from naming it to being mad at yourself or frustrated at what is. And, again, don’t go into shame. That is where our human minds want to go, naturally, shame and embarrassment or discouragement. I am never going to be able to stop.
Rather, try to understand. Why am I here? What needs are not being met? What is going on here?
For example, if I set the goal to stop overeating, and then I find myself eating thirds on dinner. Instead of beating myself up about it, name it: I am overeating. Then I can ask myself why: What feeling am I looking for?
“Everything you want in your life is because of a feeling.”https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/08/day-278-why-you-arent-taking-action/
Am I avoiding doing the dishes? Am I escaping negative emotions, frustration or stress or hurt? Did I not eat enough at my last meal? Why am I here?
THREE. Treat the challenge to stop whatever it is we want to stop, like a gravel pile. Like little peices of gravel, move one piece at a time – change one little thing at a time.
“Get curious about one little choice at a time”.
One choice you could get curious about is Why did I put the amount of food on my plate that I did, that first serving? Maybe putting too little on your plate only leads to overeating for you, in this case. Maybe. Think about each small choice that lead you to where you are at.
Now, when you tear something down, take the opportunity to build something new. Something that you actually want, instead of what you have and want to stop. Like tearing down an old house that is not serving you well and then rebuilding exactly what you want, intentionally.
And this can take time, sometimes a lot of time.
“Are you willing for it to be a process, if that means you can finally truly change it? My answer was yes – absolutely! I didn’t want to stay stuck anymore.”
Okay. I want to take a minute to apply these three steps to something I want to change, in theory, anyway. Then I will need to take the time to put it to practice after I close the computer.
ONE. Name it. Name what it is I want to change. Criticizing. And when I notice that I am being critical, even if only in my mind, name it: I am criticizing.
TWO. Understand it. Why am I critical of this person? What feeling am I looking for by criticizing this person? We have been quarantined, due to the pandemic, for a week now. That’s not long. But long enough to start feeling critical of the people surrounding me, all day long. What feeling could I be looking for? Maybe control. Maybe I feel like things are not in my control, and by criticizing others, I am trying to control them, and maintain some control over the situation. Maybe. I’m not sure. I am going to have to do some more thoughtwork around this.
THREE. Treat the challenge like a gravel pile. Move one little piece at a time. For example, if the feeling I am looking for is really control, are there other ways I can maintain control, this next week of quarantine? If I can’t keep the house clean, maybe I can keep my room clean, for example. If I can’t control if people will eat the healthy meals I prepare, maybe I can control what healthy food is in the house and available for them to eat. Again, let me do some more thoughtwork around this. But I wanted to try this principle out, while it’s on my mind.
And there are some things that we will want to stop. And there are some things we will want to replace those things with.
A friend of mine keeps a blogpost, and sends it out weekly, to give us encouragement and some instruction as to habits – some we may want to form that will serve us well, and some that we maybe want to stop.
When considering what it is you don’t want, and what it is you do want in your “new house” – exactly and intentionally – maybe this list from Rich Himmer can give you some ideas. And I will close with this:
- Go to bed and get up about the same time
- Getting up at the same time is more important
- Always go to bed and get up on different days
- Sacred hour
- Deliberately practice going to bed
- Preplan when to start your sacred hour and what activities you will do
- Awareness Journal
- Have a purpose everyday
- Pay attention to life
- Establish and follow Rules of Engagement
- Know your abiding principles (safe space)
- Understand how to apply those principles (no criticism)
- Conditions of Satisfaction
- Know your goals
- Measure your progress
- Exercise daily
- Put your body in motion a minimum of 3x per week
- Cardio and resistance training, walking, cycling, hiking, etc.
- Find a routine and start small and short. Build up with time and compound the habit
- Eat healthy (Hunger scale)
- Stay within the 2 – 5 range
- Replace dieting with a lifestyle of healthy eating
- Average cumulative 27 minutes a day
- Use guided mindfulness to establish the system and deepen your focus
- Small increments of 2 or 3 minutes add up
- Know your identity
- Write it out
- Use mindfulness to create an internal belief that you have worth
- Study/read daily
- Become a Life-Long Learner
- Develop the identity of one who is constantly learning
- Use your learning to work on you, not others