THE LIFE COACH SCHOOL – Episode 302
Okay. Let’s get into this. We really needed yesterday’s blogpost as a kickoff to this week’s study. Quick review: Agency is a gift to us, and we are expected to use that gift. The Lord will not take that gift from us! The principle is this:
“Agency means that we are the creator of our life experience.”https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/08/day-282-agency/
How many times would I have handed that responsibility – to create my life experience – back to the Lord, or to my husband or even to a stranger, right? Scary. Please tell me what to do! I even google it sometimes! But, again, we need to start off this week’s study by recognizing that that decision is ours alone.
We create our own life experience. Period.
Got that. Now this. If we are responsible for creating the life that we want – it’s not only our privilege but it is our responsibility, and, furthermore, we will be held accountable before God for creating the life that we want, that is His plan, that is His gift to us – then how do we decide what it is that we really want?
I am going to spend the next three days discussing some ideas surrounding this question: What do you want? And how do you decide what you really want?
Brooke uses another life coach, Suzy Rosenstein, to work through some of these questions. And she is the one we will be hearing from in the next three days. Let’s jump right into Brooke and Suzy’s conversation:
“I am in no-mans-land… I am going through an ‘identity transition’.”
That’s how the conversation starts. And, though I am not an empty-nester yet, I feel some of what Brooke is expressing. I am going through an “identity transition”, intentionally. I want to change. I am doing an entire blogpost on this on DAY #288. It’s not out yet. But it’s brilliant! And I will link to that blogpost as soon as it’s out.
I am choosing what I don’t want any longer to be a part of my life, and what I do want, and also what I want to add to my life.
Brooke talks a lot about re-deciding: Would I buy this house again if I went back to when we first bought the house and I knew what I know now. Would I buy this house? Or Would I move to London again? Bry says to me, almost every night, “Thank you for marrying me.” He re-decides to be married to me, every night, right?
What am I glad I have in my life, and what, in this “identity transition”, would I get rid of.
“So many of us have (this perspective) that we are losing something. (But let’s) slowly re-evaluate it as a gain or as an opportunity… Focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t do.”
I am not losing a part of me, I am ending one experience, and introducing a new and different experience into my life – “when you change, you end up with two valid experiences.”
Why do I now need to decide what I want my life experience to be?
“I think when you get married when you’re 25, you get married because that’s what you’re supposed to do… I feel like when you’re 25, you had a much more clear idea of the path… even if you didn’t know exactly what you were going to do, it was pretty charted. You are going to establish yourself professionally, you’re going to buy a house or figure out where you want to live and what kind of lifestyle you want. If you want kids, you’re going to be working on that.
And so you’re pretty much under control in terms of large things. Maybe you don’t know exactly where you want to go on vacation. But the main things, like the stakes in the ground, are charted out.
But now, twenty years later, anything goes really and we need to rely on our ability to dream.”
One of the exercises Suzy and Brooke both suggest we do is writing out 20 things that you really want. And so many of us can’t even do that. We don’t know what it is that we want. If the sky’s the limit, what is it that I want? And I want to do this now. I want to, just off the cuff, write twenty things that I want:
- I want Bryant as my husband, and a very loving, secure relationship with him
- I want a positive relationship with my children
- I want 100% positive relationships in my life
- I want to be healthy
- I want money
- I want to go back to Africa
- I want to be a good cook
- I want a Masters degree
- I want to be published
- I want to have designed my home
- I want to speak another language
- I want to be able to sail
- I want to be able to travel
- I want to be a missionary for the Church
- I want to be well spoken
- I want to feel secure
- I want to have charity – not just give it
- I want to live an inspired life
- I want freedom – financial, emotional, etc
- I want to be a true friend
Okay. That is what I came up with without really thinking much about it. And, there is a whole step I am skipping today. I think it is really really important to understand what feeling it is that I am trying to feel by acquiring these things that I want, right? Really important work. And then to decide if I like my reason for wanting these things. Do they represent who it is that I want to be? This is really important work, my friends.
But today, let’s just end with this list of what I want and then something I wrote in my journal this morning, after my scriptures study about the miracle of Helaman’s 2000 stripling warriors:
Maybe the difference between being young and unafraid and full of faith – in yourself, in your parents, in your God – and literally making miracles happen like the 2,000 Stripling Warriors, and growing older and more fearful, is maybe that miracles don’t happen because I am not dreaming of miracles and expecting miracles and working toward miracles. I get this idea that I need to know right now what to do and how to do it, rather than just jumping in a trying my luck and trusting my faith. Young Rachel jumped into a major in college and a job after college, not expecting anything except everything, right? I’ll just see what happens – but whatever happens is going to be incredible!