BETTER THAN HAPPY – Episode 206
I am actually using a few Better Than Happy episodes in today’s post. I will include a link to the specific episode as I use them today.
I have been thinking about the screenshot I shared, I think last week:
I want this! And I think the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS has more to do with me and with my relationship with “motherhood” than with the children or what I do with the children or where I take the children or whether or not my children are in school. And even whether or not my children like the way I “mother”.
“Motherhood” is a neutral circumstance – the C line in the model – and I can create what I want once I get a few things in order.
FIRST. What does this even look like for me? Without wishing away my children’s agency, without stepping into their models, what does the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS look like to me?
“Instead of allowing our unconscious, unsupervised brains to picture all of those (magazine-perfect things), what I recommend is that you drop the part about what it’s going to look like on the outside. Instead, just picture what YOU are going to be like. What’s going to happen inside of you. Who are you going to be. What do you want to do. How do you want to show up. How do you want to handle real-life, when it happens.https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/05/day-successful-parenting/
A much better measuring stick than FB posts by “perfect” moms, or magazine covers, or whatever else our unmanaged brains use as measuring sticks, right? What do I look like in the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS? Who am I going to be? What is going to be happening inside of me?
In the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS, I am the best version of me that I can be – tantrums and bald spots, but also the beautiful and genius that is me. It looks like me letting other people be themselves – my children, my husband, but also other moms around me. It looks like me not judging anyone or even any circumstances. It’s all rigged in my favor. I already know that.
The MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS is full of intentional creation. The creation of children, yes. But also the creation of a home – a real home. The creation of an eternal, happy, beautiful relationship with my husband. The creation of space for others to join our family, without judgement. The creation of a “heaven”, because of the thoughts that I think about my home, my children, my husband, myself, my God, my world.
In the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS, love is what’s going on inside of me.
“Love is always going to serve you best. It is going to create your best results for yourself because … it’s going to drive your best action. You are your best, most creative, most confident, most genius self when you’re operating in love.”https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2019/12/day-48-loveability/
Okay! I’ve got a pretty good idea of what the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAM looks like, right? What next?
SECOND. To get from where I am now to where I want to be is going to take some work – mostly in my own brain.
“How I can be most effective when it comes to me influencing others is that I focus on getting my head and my heart in the right place. Whether I’m selling something, I’m parenting my child, I’m giving a talk in church – whatever it is I’m doing, my main focus has to be on my model. That is how I influence others for good.”https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/08/day-290-other-peoples-models-again/
“Are you going to think that (motherhood) is overwhelming and challenging and unfair? Or are you going to think, ‘I’m the best one for this. I’ve got this. I’m glad that I’m in a relationship with this part of my life that pushes me and challenges me and helps me to grow.'”https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/01/day-69-your-relationship-with-your-life/
I really think that the model is the answer – to all questions. Ha ha. But I’m actually not kidding. How do I get from where I am am right now, to where I want to be? The model. How do I choose the thoughts that will create the results that I want? The model. How do I create the life that I was meant to live? The model.
I mentioned in an earlier post my SFD journal. My friends, this is how it’s going to happen. This isn’t anything new.
- Daily Brain Self-Care, with a cuppa and a blanket over my lap. Every. Day. When I take care of myself and my thoughts – when I get that all dumped out and cleaned up – I act! And I act with love and I act with integrity and honestly.
- Reckoning. Rumble. Revolution. Yes, this means writing out those “Stupid First Drafts” and tossing it around, and poking at it, and really being curious about these stories that I tell myself – about my children, about myself, etc. Put it in the model. Then re-work it. Then re-work it. Then re-work it, until you see the results that you want written out on that R line.
- Mantras. I AM statements. Can these intentional positive affirmations become such a part of me that they are my first thought? That they actually become my “first draft”?
- Pray. Delegate to that heavenly team. Build a relationship with that heavenly team.
- Patiently move forward, toward who it is that I want to be – the mother of my dreams in the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS.
This week I want to really focus on creating.
“The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.”Elder Uchtdorf
Doesn’t that just make your heart warm up? That thought – believing that thought – makes me feel so so good. This week I am going to focus on CREATION. Creating the MOTHERHOOD OF MY DREAMS, of course. But also creating time. Creating fun. Creating future-me. Creating a good relationship with myself – a relationship of trust and patience and respect and tenderness.