Bry and I do most things together, besides those 8-10 hours during the day when he is working in the office and I am at home with the children. We vacation together, we visit family together, we eat together, hang out together, watch movies together, sleep together, run together, and we try to study together, books or scriptures or podcasts that we thought were interesting. We like to share these things.
This week Bry did something without me. Ha ha. That sounds a little dramatic, right? He went up to SLC to pick up a truck from his brother. I’ve been trying to figure out why I was hurt that he did this without me. Maybe it was because it was something that I was resisting in the first place. If he was going to get off work early, I wanted it to be to come home and hang out with us. Maybe it was because Bry didn’t tell me about it until after the fact. He knew I’d resist it, so he just did it and told me about it afterwards.
After some thoughtwork, I realized that I was afraid that this would be a pattern in our marriage. A lack of communication, yes. But more concerning to me was the pattern that Bry would feel like he has to carefully tiptoe around me and around my insecurities. The fear is that I am not a good wife.
And that fear really manifested itself in frustration and in me trying to control what Bry does, right?
Let’s start with this reminder:
“Just because you have an intense amount of fear doesn’t mean you’re in intense danger.”https://livingandtravelingwithkids.com/2020/09/day-310-fear/
Am I in danger of being a horrible wife, and Bry not ever coming home to hang out with us? Of course not. Not at all.
But it’s how I am feeling at the moment. When I am coming from a place of fear, I don’t think rationally. It’s just the lower brain saying, Uh oh! Protect yourself, Rach!
I loved that this came during this week – the week when I was learning about fear, right? Remember, I even blogged these very words only three days ago:
“What do I fear? I want to use this five-step model in my brain self-care in the mornings, as I see myself manifesting fear.”My own words in Day #11
I’ve told the children before, often we learn a new skill and then, right away, we are given the opportunity to practice that new skill. Right? It’s a compliment when it works this way! It means we are ready for it! Recognizing what is going on, I think, means that we are ready for what is going on.
And I did just that – I spent my brain self-care time the past two mornings doing thoughtwork around what is going on in my mind. I used the steps from DAY #310 as a pattern to follow.
How are you doing this week? Have you had a look at your fears this week? Have you looked to see how fear manifests itself in you? Have you “practiced peace” even while in your fear?