Today Ella got her wisdom teeth pulled out. My first child. She’s not feeling well. I’m going to take a little bit of a different approach on today’s post. I will offer the last tool, and, in the text, I will write my thoughts, personal experiences. Are you ready for this?


  • Begin with servant leadership. You do not always know better than your child. Perhaps their Spirit is older than yours even?
    • A couple years ago, I started thinking about the number of times in a day I said “no”. The kids hardly had to ask me anything at all. They knew the answer would be no. And they really resisted that. Of course. It caused a lot of problems in our home. There was a point when I felt the Spirit say to me, “Does the answer really need to be ‘no’?” And I stopped saying “no”. I want my children to trust that I will say “yes” if I can. But when I say “no”, it is for a very good reason.
    • Can I wear socks with my crocs. Yes
    • Can I just finish this game. Sure.
    • Can I shovel the snowy driveway with this, instead of a shovel. You can try, of course.
    • Can I stay up a little later to finish this book. You can.
  • Define family values and lead with these values by consistently revisiting them, bringing them into every day situations, and modeling them. “The very first thing that good leaders do is they stop and they define values, and then they emulate those values, and they talk about those values, and they make sure the those values that they feel are important live and breathe and drive the decisions and the culture of the organization.” Lead with the why (vision) in everything you do.
    • Bryant I decided to lead and teach and guide with this question: Will this decision move you toward who it is you want to be, or away from who it is you want to be?
    • We use this question – this value – when we talk about eating healthy and exercising, and getting enough sleep at night. Is that helping you become who it is that you want to be?
    • We use this question when we are talking to the children about their grades of the classes they are signing up for in school.
    • We used this question this week when we talked to the children about sexual relationships, and entertainment that maybe misuses or misrepresents sex. We got this idea from Dr Finlayson-Fife in Day #275.
  • Delegation and Development – Meet them where they are. How much direction and support do they need? Too little contributes to frustration and overwhelm. Too much feels condescending.
    • Delegation. This is when I tell the kids to take a shower, and I am not in the shower with them checking their hair. This makes me laugh because my 10 year old still asks me to check his hair before he gets out of the shower. And I still point out to him which soap to use. This is clearly an area where both he and I could use some work.
    • Development. This is when Julia is setting the table for dinner for the first time, and she doesn’t know how many placemats to put down, though she knows where the placemats are. And I show her where she can find the plates and I show her which utensils we would need for dinner. You are doing great. That looks so good. Keep going!
  • Accountability and Discipline – As human beings we perform best when there are carrots and sticks. Decide which ones are appropriate, inspect what you expect, and follow through on enforcing them. This is your job. This can help contribute to a household that runs smoothly and a healthy culture in your family.

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