DAY #331 ARMY OF HELAMAN

On DAY #294, I changed my morning routine, to better serve me. I call it brain self-care. It looks like this:

6:00am – Wake up

6:15am – Go walking/hiking

6:45am – Bryant and the children will be at the ranch with him, and I will have the next 30 minutes to myself for:

• Thought dump
• With everything then “out”, I want to take the time to choose which thoughts I will put back in my brain for the day – thoughts that will lead me toward my goals and toward who it is I am intentionally becoming, on purpose
• Meditation
• Scripture study
• Then I’ll close with prayer – delegating some of my concerns to my heavenly team

This week, with my thoughts really focused on desires and what future I’m creating, I wrote this yesterday in my blog post:

“What do I really want? What is it that I really desire? I want a good relationship with my children. I want a good relationship with myself – past, present, and future. I want a good, trusting relationship with God – I want to trust Him entirely, and I want Him to be able to trust me. I want to be ‘true at all times in whatsoever thing (I am) entrusted’ (Alma 53:20).”

DAY #328

Just weeks after I returned from serving as a missionary in South Africa, I was back at university and back into the dating scene. A nice guy named Shane asked me out. We had fun. He asked me out again. We had fun again. But when he asked me out a third time, I realized that this was more than just fun for him. I was not interested in any romantic relationship – I was focused on school and on my responsibilities at church, and I wanted the freedom to date other guys. I hadn’t had to do this for a couple years! We didn’t date, as missionaries! I thought about how to tell Shane that I would like to be “just friends”, and still maintain his friendship. That’s a hard one.

That week in my personal scripture study, I had been reading about the Army of Helaman in Alma 53, specifically. One of the things that really impressed me about the young men in that army was their diligence.

“They were all young men and they were exceedingly valiant for courage… but behold, this was not all – they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.”

Alma 53:20

That Sunday afternoon, when Shane came over, I made sure no one else was home, so we could talk in private. I told him how much fun I’d had with him, but that I was not interested in a romantic or an exclusive relationship. He had become a friend to me. In fact, I told him, the friendship we had, had been “entrusted” to me, and I wanted to be true to that friendship. He knew that scripture well. And he smiled. And we were okay. And, to this day, 17 years after marrying his neighbor, Bryant, Shane and I are still friends. In fact, he married my neighbor and friend, Susanna.

I want a good relationship with my husband and children. I want a good relationship with myself – my past self, my present self, and my future self. I want a good, trusting relationship with God – I want to trust Him entirely, and I want Him to be able to trust me. I want to be “true at all times in whatsoever thing (I am) entrusted”.

What, then, have I been “entrusted” with, now?

• I have been entrusted with talents and desires
• I have been entrusted with children
• I have been entrusted with a husband
• I have been entrusted with an extended family
• I have been entrusted with a calling in the Primary
• I have been entrusted with a home
• I have been entrusted with the women in my neighborhood
• I have been entrusted with friendships
• I have been entrusted with a body – a healthy strong body
• I have been entrusted with truth

This list is what I came up with during my thought dump one morning this week. And what am I doing with the things I have been entrusted with, by the Lord?

• I am setting goals. I always have one impossible goal I am working on, at all times. I am learning new things. I want to up my game on learning a new skill each year. Photography this coming year?
• Most of my day and energy is probably spent on these four living angels. Driving them, educating them, helping them, singing to them, watching shows with them, playing games with them. I want to play more games with them.
• I am loyal to Bryant in action and in word and in thought.
• I am not sure what it means to be entrusted with the extended family. What does that look like? What do I want it to look like? I want it to look like love, and not people pleasing.
• I have been entrusted with a calling in Primary. I am pretty good at fulfilling my callings.
• I have been entrusted with a home and, again, this is an easy one for me – I am pretty good at caring for my home responsibilities and my church responsibilities, at this point.
• As with my extended family, I think I can be true to my friendships that I’ve been blessed with by loving as opposed to people pleasing. By not ever speaking ill of my friends, and by being more interested in them and their lives. Being present – physically and emotionally. It doesn’t mean I have to do everything they want me to do, but do what I can, happily and willingly, and love them unconditionally. I loved that episode on people pleasing. I can’t link to it enough!
• I want to better trust my body – it is TOTALLY trust worthy. And I want my body to trust me. Brooke has taught me so much about this: “When we think about our relationship with ourselves, what we’re really thinking about is our relationship with our past-self, our relationship with our present-self, and our relationship with our future-self, and they are all very connected… Are we really looking out for ourselves? … Build trust with yourself. One of the beautiful things about my relationship with myself is that I really do trust myself. I trust that I am going to do what I planned to do – I am going to eat what I wrote down that I would eat that would serve my body the best, I am going to honor my calendar and follow through on the commitments that I made. But I also trust my past self not to over-schedule me or under-feed me or over-commit me. I have such a good relationship with my future self and my past self, and I take really good care of myself.”
• I have been entrusted with truth. And there is a lot to this statement. First, let’s look at the truths that I am learning in my ONE YEAR. What am I doing with that truth? If I were being true to that truth, I would really be working on living it, right. And teaching the principles to my children. And letting this truth change me into the person that I was created to be! I have also been entrusted with the truth of the Gospel. How is my relationship with that truth? Is it on fire? Or is it sufficient for where I am at? And I think that it goes back and forth, and I think that that is okay, for where I am at. I think that there ought not be guilt or shame concerning where I am at in that relationship with the Gospel. Knowing that the more it is a part of my life, the more it can bless me, but also knowing that it is there, waiting for me, lovingly. It will take me as I am, and change me, as much as I let it. I never speak ill of the Gospel, because I love it. I share it with others, because I love it and I love them.