DAY #357 BYRON KATIE (yet again)


“There are three kinds of business: The universe’s business, my business, your business. Whose business are you in?”


Lying in bed last night, thinking about this – thinking about examples of people who live this, and how I can better live in my own business and where it would really take my life to a new level – I felt a sense of relief. That was the exact emotion: Relief. That is her business, or that is his business, and it’s not my business. And I have my business, and it is none of their business.

This is great news.

“A lot of the times, we’re in other people’s business, telling them how they should live, what they should do, how they should run their lives, how they should speak to us, what job they should have, how hard they should work, how they should behave, when they should take the garbage out. That’s when we’re in someone else’s business.”

Let’s look at an example of this in my SFD Journal format:


  • CIRCUMSTANCE – Shannon planned a party for the children.
  • THOUGHT – She didn’t include me in the planning. I wonder if she thinks I don’t do a good job planning kids parties? I’m the one who usually does the planning, I thought. I wonder if she originally even thought to invite me at all?
  • FEELING – Overlooked
  • ACTION – I half-heartedly support Shannon and the children’s party, and shy away from other opportunities to participate.
  • RESULT – I feel worse and worse, and more and more overlooked, and I drive a wedge in my relationship with the other ladies involved in the children’s party.

Shannon planning the children’s party is HER BUSINESS. Me and what I have going on in my life is MY BUSINESS.

Let’s do a second draft, with this understanding:

  • CIRCUMSTANCE – Shannon planned a party for the children.
  • THOUGHT – That was so nice of Shannon to take that on. Such a fun opportunity for the children to get together like this.
  • FEELING – Grateful
  • ACTION – I show up happily and graciously, and I have a fun time.
  • RESULT – I have the time and energy to focus on MY BUSINESS and be grateful for Shannon and the kindness with which she does HER BUSINESS.

Do you see how much more peaceful staying out of HER BUSINESS feels? And how it helps me show up in the world in a way that I like because I have the graciousness to allow others their business and then the time and energy to focus on my business and what is important to me and what I actually have control over.

Such a gift to Shannon. Such a gift to myself.

Now, what about the Universe’s business, or God’s business?

“A lot of times, we’re in God’s business. There shouldn’t be this kind of weather. This person shouldn’t have died. This person shouldn’t have been born. This person shouldn’t be the way that they are. That’s God’s business.”

When we resist what IS – God’s business – we are keeping ourselves stuck. The weather, coronavirus, infertility, the long nights and short days that come with this time of year. Leaning into “what IS”, even loving “what IS”, will always serve us better. Focusing on our own business will always serve us better.

“Most of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. Not only do we have most of our power within our own business, but being in other people’s business is what causes us stress because we don’t have any control there…

Remember that the only space where you really have any control is in your own business – that’s where you’re going to feel the most empowered, in your own business.”

So, when your heart starts beating fast, or your legs start moving slow. When you feel overwhelmed or stressed, when you lie in bed not sleeping at nights. Ask yourself, Who’s business am I in? Get in that habit. Ask yourself several times a day. Who’s business am I in?

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