This past weekend I got to see all my siblings again, at my mom’s wedding. I can’t remember the last time we were together – all six of us. My relationship with these six people are some of the most important relationships in my life. I am grateful for the time we had together over the weekend.
PRINCIPLES STUDIED THIS WEEK:
There is a page on the Self Coaching Scholars website called “Ask a Coach”. And my coaches in the past have encouraged me to use it, but I only got around to it last week. This page allows me to type in a question, not using my name, and the question is posted up, with the answer, for other Scholars to look at and consider. This is what I posted this week, surrounding a difficult thought download:
QUESTION: My thought download today was petty and immature, and I allowed myself to get it all on paper. And now I am looking at my paper, and I am not sure what to do with it. Probably 20 lines of harsh statements about another person and about myself. I am staring at it. What do I do with it now?
ANSWER: The first step is to look at what your mind is giving after you wrote everything down:
My thought download was petty and immature
I am not sure what to do with it
The thoughts on the paper are just a bunch of letters and sentences. When you decide to judge them, you close the door to learning more about yourself. Add those thoughts to the thought download as well and practice observing them without judging them as petty or immature. This is just your brain doing what it knows best: giving you well-practiced sentences to question.
Now, you can pick any of the thoughts on the paper and start a model. For example:
C: Thought download
T: I don’t know what to do with it
A: do nothing
R: I don’t learn what to do
This is a hypothetical model to show you that you can start from any line of the model, i.e., circumstance, thought, feeling, action or result. Feel free to bring them here so we can keep working on them together.
Really helpful. I have been looking at some of the other questions that have come in from other Self Coaching Scholars, and I want to spend some time a little later looking at what the coaches have said in the answers.
I want to see if I can, without judgement, look at my thoughts today. Let’s look.
CIRCUMSTANCE: My brother, Ben, came to stay with us for two days.
THOUGHT: Ben is pretty much perfect and I am not. And I don’t want him to see that.
(I am going to sit with this. I am not going to tell myself that that’s a stupid thought or an immature view of him or of me. I am going to let my mind share with me its thoughts, without me judging myself.)
ACTION: Sometimes when I’m with him, I don’t know what to say. I avoid one-on-one.
RESULT: He probably doesn’t know what to say either
Okay. I see that. I see me. I am okay with me. Remember from Brene Brown:
“I see you and I love you. You are so deeply worthy of love and belonging.”Brene Brown
Now, from that place, let’s investigate. Ben is pretty much perfect and I am not.
Is it true? No.
How would my life be different if I didn’t believe that thought? I would be more myself.
What about turnarounds?
- He is pretty much perfect, and he is not.
- I am pretty much perfect, and I am not.
What is true? I am perfect, and I am not, and that is okay. He is perfect, and he is not, and that is okay. People will think good about me. And people will think ill about me. And they will be right, and wrong. And that is okay. I will think good about others. And I will think ill about others. And I will be right, and wrong. And that is okay.